When kids don’t do what you say

I was reading a book the other day and they were talking about the importance of integrity in our parenting. We can’t expect kids to do what we say if we don’t even do what we say. Children have a keen sense of fairness. When we command respect but don’t give any respect, kids will see right through that.

Some common areas of hypocrisy in parenting:
1. Yelling at kids to stop yelling
2. Having kids clean their room when our room is a mess
3. Asking kids to listen to us when we constantly ignore them
4. Telling them to change their attitude when ours is rotten

The hardest part of parenting is that our children are a constant mirror for our own character flaws and shortcomings. The first step to becoming a better parent, is to become better people ourselves. Our children see what we do much more than we know. My kids eat too fast with large bites and minimal chewing because they have watched me do that their entire lives. No matter how many times by wife says ‘small bites,’ my kids are unlikely to change if I don’t make the change myself.

If you want your kids to stop being lazy, you stop being lazy first. If you want your kids to talk with respect, talk with respect to (and about) everyone in your life. If you want your kids to clean up after themselves, you clean up after yourself.

After you are sure that you are modeling the behavior you want from your child well, then you can move on to teaching and coaching. When they are young this starts with doing the desired activity with them (cleaning up). Then it moves on to them doing it with minimal help from you and then finally, they will desire to have a clean space and do it on their own. The goal is full maturity in our children so that they will eventually be fully functioning adults some day.

So next time you’re about to fling a command across the room, think to yourself, “am I exemplifying the quality that I am expecting from my child?” If not, rethink your attitude or command/request. Do the hard work to become a respectable, kind and patient adult and your children will follow suit.