A Few Tips for dealing with sibling conflict

Our kids are currently 7, 5 and 2 so we have plenty of time to practice our conflict resolution skills. Here are a few quick tips that you can implement today.

Go to the injured child first
If one child hits the other, don’t give the offending child a bunch of negative attention. “Don’t do that!” Any sort of attention from a parent gives a hit of dopamine (even if it’s negative). Instead, go to the injured child and console them first. You’ll deal with the offending child later but this is a great way to subtly move the attention away from the child who hurt the other.

Get some space
This might be the best tip I’ve learned in parenting. Separate the children. Give them space from each other. Give yourself time to calm down and bring some constructive correction to the situation.

Give homework
During their time taking space tell them to think about what the other person wanted and what the other person was feeling. This helps bring empathy and gets the focus off themselves.

Come together
After some space, give them a chance to share their feelings or, better, guess what the other person wanted and felt. This allows them to feel connected after their conflict

Make it right
Give the offending child (or both children since both are usually in the wrong in some way) a chance to come up with a creative solution to make things right. If they use their hands to hurt, they use their hands to help. A hug usually works to smooth things over at this age.