Don’t Let Your Marriage Die
The natural order of the world is that if things are left unattended, they decay into chaos. Have you ever walked into an abandoned building? Even one that has been empty for months feels like things are starting to fall apart. Gardens need attention, your job needs attention, kids need attention and so does your marriage.
One of the most insidious signs that marriage is ending is not loud fights and disagreements but rather, a quiet and passive resignation. A giving up. If your marriage is not with fighting for or fighting about, you are in trouble. You and your spouse should be having regular conversations, discussions, or arguments about the daily things in life but also the deeper more meaningful things.
It usually starts small with a benign offense. One that we figure we can shrug off and get over. It isn’t worth bringing up and starting a whole big conversation about it. But it grows. And grows. And compounds and multiplies. The ignored monster continues to grow until it is confronted. Sometimes it is neglected for so long that it is too big to face. Sometimes it just gets so big that you end up having a marathon evening chat.
The key is to regularly bring up big, small and medium issues that arise in marriage. This will help you both sharpen each other and knock off the rough edges. You will practice the muscle of conflict and conflict resolution. With the constant back and forth and open communication you will both grow stronger.
Think to yourself “am I willing to live like this for the next 50 years?” If the answer is ‘no,’ then deal with it! Don’t let your future self deal with something you can deal with today.
Fight for your marriage. Fight about your marriage. Do it will respect and honesty. Speak directly and truthfully. Don’t foster resentment and discouragement. Say what you want and need. Maybe it is you that is the problem, but you won’t know that until you speak up.
Tend to your wife like a gardener obsessed with their roses. Be attentive to diseases rising up or wilting. Know when to prune, water and protect. This will take all you are as a man, but it is a worthy investment and a noble cause.
Look and see today what you can do to strengthen your relationship.
