Of Boys and Men: Why the Modern Male Is Struggling, Why It Matters, and What to Do about It – Book Review

Of Boys and Men is a thought-provoking book that explores the challenges facing modern men and the implications for society as a whole. Written by renowned psychologist and author, Richard Reeves, the book presents a compelling argument for why we need to pay attention to the struggles of young boys and men, and what we can do to support them.

One of the key insights of the book is that modern society has created a number of challenges for boys and men, which have contributed to a sense of confusion, frustration, and even despair. For example, the rise of technology and social media has created a culture of instant gratification and constant stimulation, which can be particularly challenging for young boys who are still developing their self-control and impulse management skills.

Reeves celebrates the work that has been done to help women succeed in schooling and the workplace and he says we need to now do more for men as well. Usually this issue is pitched as a zero-sum game. If we help the men, we can’t help the women. He claims that this isn’t true. We need to see both and encourage both to do well.

Reeves has a policy focus in this book and he is advocating for updating policies that help boys thrive in school and work. I am not a political expert so I don’t have a ton to say about those policies. I am a bit hesitant to offload societies problems onto the government and more policy and spending. I think there is an equal need for a philosophical and cultural shift in our world today (Reeves addresses this as well in the book). We need to stop talking about men and masculinity as if they are toxic and as if there is something wrong with their core identity. Men should be proud of their masculinity and seek to express it in constructive ways.

Reeves also points out that the traditional role of men as providers and protectors has been eroded, leaving many men feeling adrift and purposeless. Women, has stepped into the job market full force over the last 50 years and this has created a whole new dynamic to the family unit. This sense of purposelessness can lead to a range of negative outcomes, including addiction, depression, and even suicide which is much higher among men. Men feel that they are no longer needed.

So why does this matter? According to Reeves, the struggles of young boys and men have profound implications for society as a whole. For example, boys who are raised without strong male role models are more likely to drop out of school, engage in risky behavior, and struggle with relationships as adults. Similarly, men who feel disconnected from their communities are less likely to participate in civic life, which can undermine the fabric of society.

Solutions

Fortunately, Reeves is not content to simply diagnose the problem. He also offers a range of practical solutions for how we can support young boys and men, and help them navigate the challenges of modern life. Some of these solutions include:

• Encouraging fathers to spend more time with their sons and provide positive male role models.
• Creating more opportunities for boys to engage in physical activities and develop their self-control and discipline.
• Helping young men develop a sense of purpose and meaning by connecting them with their communities and encouraging them to contribute to society in meaningful ways.
• Increase the amount of trade-schools
• Creating policies that incentivizes men to embrace their role as fathers (paid paternity leave)

This book seems to provide a balanced look at the issues men face today. Reeves tries hard not to get stuck into a political camp and criticizes both sides of the political spectrum. He claims we can’t go back to the traditional family and we can’t demonize men. We need a new way forward. I tend to agree with him but I do wonder if there are more creative solutions we can come up with.

He assumes that most families want both parents to working and frames the whole premise that making money is of the most importance to most families. He also doesn’t talk about homeschooling as a viable option for helping boys thrive in school. The whole time he was talking about how boys suffered in school, I thought he would then advocate for homeschooling. But he is content to let the state take the responsibility for our kids’ education even though they seem to be doing a pretty terrible job. Could the more traditional family roles actually be a more stable environment for children to grow up in? I agree that men should be more involved at their homes and with their children but at the cost of having mom gone 40 hours a week?

I think boys need their fathers home more but they also need their mothers. We could look at our lives and wonder ‘do we both really need to be working right now?’ During this season can we live on less? Can we have less house, less car, less everything so that one or both parents can spend more time at the house? We could spend time gardening and raising animals together. Going out into nature and exploring. We could teach our kids all the skills of delight and wonder that don’t get taught in school. What if we lived outside of the system all together (or mostly?) This might be a bit far-fetched for some people but why? Do we need to live in the rat-race to make money just to give it away for junk we don’t need? Can we live with less and live a fuller life?

Of Boys and Men is a thought provoking book and it gives a challenge to both parents and educators to think deeply about the issues men and boys are facing. We need to press into this conversation because I believe that men are important. Important for the family and important for the world. Let’s rethink how we shape our lives and create a world full of thriving boys and men.