How to Support your Wife During Child-Birth
It’s game day.
You’ve done all the hard work of having the conversations, packing your bags, writing out your birth plan and now you’re just waiting. Due dates are not due dates, they’re approximations which means you just have to stay ready all the time for a couple of weeks. Make sure your phone is charged, childcare is ready and your house is in order.
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More from this blog series: A Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy
Getting labor started
There are a bunch of ways to get labor started if you’re tired of waiting around. Sex, going on walks and staying active are some of the most highly recommended activities. There are also a number of different teas and foods you can try to help get things started.
Prepare Yourself
Before labor starts, you’ll want to get yourself in the right headspace. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, relationally; you’ll want to be ready to go. This is game day so you don’t want anything distracting you from being fully present with you wife. Maintain good communication as you approach the due date and try to stay connected to your wife. Keep up date night as long as you can. Your life is going to be forever changed in a few weeks so enjoy these moments.
Baby Moon
A way that many couples celebrate the coming of a new season is by taking a trip or a night away before the baby comes (commonly called a baby moon). We have done a few of these but with 3 kids now we are just sticking with date nights to stay connected. I am planning to print out a photo book with pictures from the last few years to look through with the kids to celebrate this season and look forward to the next. Whatever you do, infuse it with meaning and vision. Plan a dinner and tell stories about the last season of your life and remember all your good times and then look forward to what is next. This is especially important if you have kids to help prepare them for the new baby.
We talked in the last post about getting all your ducks in a row as far as having a birth plan, getting time off figured out, food, childcare and all that. Read that article if you need a refresher. Assuming you’re ready to go, lets dive into game day:
When to go in
Your midwife or doctor will tell you what signs to look for before you go into the birthing center. (the 5-1-1 is a common guideline, contractions five minutes apart, 1 minute long for more than an hour) You can use an app for timing contractions. Start counting from the beginning of one contraction to the beginning of the next. My wife doesn’t like to start counting right away, it makes it feel too clinical and rote. She usually starts walking the house and pacing through the contractions. When she can go through a contraction without yelling is usually when we start to count, call the midwives and prepare to go in.
Birth Plan
Bring your birth plan either printed out or on your phone or at least in your head. In a hospital, you’ll want it printed out (a couple copies) so you can give it to whoever is in charge. Make sure they stick to it and don’t let them bully you into something you don’t want to do.
Run Interference
If you are going into a hospital, you are going to have to be a lot more forward and advocate much more for yourself. They tend to be more demanding, matter of fact and clinical in their approach. You’ll definitely want a birth plan if you’re going to a hospital. A buddy of mine just had a baby at the hospital and the overall feeling was helplessness. They wouldn’t let them go home for a couple of days because they weren’t happy with the latch. Throughout the labor, you’ll be interacting with the staff, nurses and doctors to try to make sure everyone is on the same page and treating your wife the way she wants to be treated.
This is one of the reasons we opted for a natural birth at a birth house. I just have one midwife to communicate with and she is very chill. She comes in about once an hour until we go into active pushing and delivery. They were so chill with our last child, that we wish they would have been more attentive and present.
Supporter
During the whole labor process, your job will be to support your wife. First, keep people away from her and don’t make her make any decisions (kind of like her wedding day) and then your job is to be there for her. Speak encouraging words to her, rub her back, get her snacks, keep her hydrated. My wife liked to labor standing up with her arms on my shoulders (sort of like the classic high school dance position but with more yelling and groaning). So my job was to hold her and speak truth to her. When the time came for delivery came, we moved to the tub and I sat on the edge while she put her back and arms on my legs facing away. This is a great position for dads who are a bit squeamish and don’t want to see EVERYTHING. I’m planning to catch the baby this time so I’ll transition from this position when the head starts showing.
*There are some men that think they’d be more harm than good in the delivery room, but that is a decision that you’ll need to make with your wife beforehand. This blog assumes you’ll be in the room with her.
Conclusion
It all comes down to your preparation. Make sure you and your wife are on the same page. Have contingency plans if things don’t go exactly to plan and be flexible. It is your job to stay level-headed and steady during this whole process. Keep yourself fueled and hydrated so you can be at your best. For many men, this is one the most profound experiences in their lives. You’ll see your wife in whole new context. The primal mother will come out and you’ll see you wife as the woman she truly is. Her strength and ferocity may scare you but let her feel her power and press in to that. Her body knows what it needs to do. Trust her. Encourage her to trust her body and her instincts. Humans have been doing this for thousands of years.
More from this blog series: A Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy
