What Every Man Should have by 30

In an earlier post I talked about why men should consider getting married young. In this post we will talk about a few other things that men should be working on in their 20s. Delayed adulthood is an epidemic in our culture and men are taking longer and longer to grow up. If men can find some direction and vision in their early 20s, they will be well ahead of their peers by the time they are in their 30s or 40s. Here are a few things that men should be seeking to build into their lives in their 20s.

Children

Having Children Young is out of style in our culture but there are some major benefits to getting started young.

• They will know their grandparents
  If you want your kids to know your parents, then you’ll have to start having kids young. If you don’t care, don’t worry about this but there are major benefits to your kids growing up with their grandparents. Multi-generational families that are all on the same page will help support your vision and mission for your family. Having aunts and uncles around is great too. Kids need to have healthy relationships with other adults in their lives. Do the math on how old your parents will be if you have kids today. How old will they be when your children are 16? 26? You get the idea.
• Energy
  As we get older, we have less energy. Young parents just have more energy. You can stay fit as you grow older and maintain your energy levels but why not put all that youthful vigor to good use?
• Ability to have lots of kids
  If you start having kids young, you’ll be able to have more kids. That’s science. If you want the option to have lots of kids then start early. If you aren’t sure, start early, just so you keep your options open. Many people think they’ll just want 2 but after they get into it, they discover that they really like their kids. Keep your options open.
• You will know your grandkids
  Same concept as the first point. Do the math. Do you want to be able to help with your grandkids or even meet your great-grandkids? Start young.

There are some downsides as well to having kids young but many of them have to do with giving up freedoms. I would argue that anything you give up for kids will be well worth it in the long run.

A Budget

If we learn how to have a budget while we are young, we will avoid lots of heartache later on in life. Learning discipline in this area will create tons of freedom later on in your life. Dave Ramsey famously says “if you don’t tell your money where to go, you won’t know where it went.” Take some time to create a budget. Look at where your money is going and decide if that is where you want it to be going. Start making wise investments but first knock out your debt and start saving.

Millennials are no different than their parents. We have tons of debt. The average millennial has around $27,000 in consumer debt. Gen X has around $33,000 of consumer debt. We are a country that loves debt. Start working while you are young to kill this debt and you’ll be freed up in your future to take risks and go on adventures.

Here is a simple (not easy) path to financial freedom:

1. Spend less than you make
2. Pay off all debts
3. Save an emergency fund
4. Invest

Vision

Where are you going? Do you know? What is your life about? Many people spend their 20s working to discover their gifts, talents and passions and rightfully so. We are still figuring out who we are in many ways but for many of us this spills into our 30s, 40s and 50s (the famous mid-life crisis emerges here). I had a quarter life crisis where I quit my job and went on a soul-searching quest and it was a rough one. I lost everything that I found my identity in and had to eventually come to realize that I had the answer all along. My faith in God and trust in Jesus was the only thing that kept me going during those years and even that was shaky. I didn’t know who I was or what I was supposed to do in this world.

Ironically, it was when I narrowed my vision that I really became grounded and healthy. I spent so much time trying to help others and desiring to change the world, that I didn’t have any energy left for what truly mattered, my family and my faith. When we set our sights to do the most important thing in our lives, we will find great satisfaction. My role as husband and father has been a great source of meaning in my life but more than that I know I am a son, loved by God.

What is the thing that only you can do? Do that thing.

Fitness

Fitness is a cornerstone habit that will continue to serve you throughout your life. Take the time to grow in this area while you are young. Young men see great gains in their 20s if they invest the time to lift weights and work out. This can be a very satisfying time in your life physically as you pack on muscle and develop yourself. Don’t waste your youth with bad habits and loose living. Get to the gym and lay the foundation for the rest of your life.

Self-Control

All of these things boil down to self-control. Freedom is found in constraint. This is one of the great paradoxes in life. If you want to find purpose and meaning, stop searching far and wide, look close to home and then work out from there. If you want financial freedom, stop obsessing about money and start systematically saving. When we take on more ownership and responsibility in our lives, we will in turn find our meaning and vision. As we take responsibility for ourselves first and then our families and then society, we grow into the men we were created to be.

When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world. I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation. When I found I couldn’t change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn’t change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family. Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world.

Rabbi Yisrael Salanter