Get On My Level
I was recently reading a book and was reminded of the importance of getting down on my kids’ level while I am interacting with them, especially for discipline and instruction.
Many times as fathers we find ourselves barking orders over our shoulder only to turn around and find out that no one is doing what we said. This can be frustrating and lead to conflict or even us demanding respect. It is important to have the respect of your family but if we communicate skillfully, we will have a better opportunity to earn that respect and make positive change in our kid’s lives.
The problem with barking orders over the shoulder or disciplining from a domineering position is two-fold:
- They might not even hear us. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but kids get very caught up in the tasks that they are working on. It might look like they aren’t doing anything but really they are engrossed in pushing a piece of rice across the floor. The first step in good communication is actually being heard. Getting down on their level and getting their eyes ensures that they hear what we are saying.
- Disciplining from a domineering position also creates a fear response in our children that is less likely to bear good fruit. Sometimes we do need to move fast and be obeyed without getting on their level but that foundation is laid by meaningful connections throughout the day. When we get on their level, we let them know that they are safe and loved. This is a great place to start any conversation with. When our kids’ fear response is triggered, they will have a very hard time internalizing our message. Just image a giant looking down on you telling you what to do. You might obey out of fear but that isn’t the type of loving connection that we are going for in the family.
Here are a few more reasons why getting down on your kid’s level when giving them instruction and discipline is so crucial:
- It shows that you care
When you take the time to get down on your child’s level, you are showing them that you care about them not just the task at hand. It is easy for kids to feel overlooked and like they are just a burden being shuffled from one place to another. This simple act of physical connection can make a huge difference in how your child perceives your message and will set the tone for the rest of your interaction.
- It helps your child understand you better
This is just simple common sense. When we are standing, we are further away from them and thus harder to physically hear. Getting down on their level makes it easier for them to hear you, see your facial expressions, and understand your tone of voice.
- It builds trust
When you get down on your child’s level, you are demonstrating that you are on their side. This builds trust between you and your child, which can be essential in maintaining a healthy parent-child relationship. As fathers our job is not just to get our kids to do stuff, it is to connect with our children and walk with them toward maturity. Always remember remember, you are a team working together.
- It helps you stay calm
Parenting can be frustrating, and it can be easy to lose your temper when your child is not listening to you. Walking over to them and getting down on their level will give you a moment to breathe and center yourself. This will help you stay calm and focused on the task at hand. It can also help you avoid yelling or using a harsh tone of voice, which is counterproductive.
- It creates a safe environment
When you get down on your child’s level, you are creating a safe environment for communication. This will encourage your child to open up to you and share their thoughts and feelings, which can be incredibly valuable for building a strong, healthy relationship.
Throw this tip in your communication tool-belt and try it out next time you are in a tough spot with your child. I bet you will see their posture and response to you change. You are the leader of your household so you get to set the tone for what respectful communication looks like. Step up and be the man you were created to be.
