Discipline that Connects with Your Child’s Heart (book review)

“Discipline That Connects with Your Child’s Heart” by Jim and Lynne Jackson is a well-written guidebook that offers parents practical advice and techniques for disciplining their children in a way that promotes emotional connection and strengthens the parent-child relationship. This book provides an entire framework for parenting in a way that is both firm and kind with a vision for the maturity of your children.

The book is divided into two parts, with the first part focusing on the principles of discipline and the second part providing practical tools and strategies for implementation. The authors emphasize the importance of understanding the child’s perspective and responding to their underlying needs rather than simply addressing the surface behavior.

Part one unpacks their 4 pronged approach to parenting:

You are safe with me.

You are loved no matter what.

You are called and capable.

You are responsible for your actions.

The basic idea is that the foundation of your parent/child relationship has to be safety. If you are flying off into a rage or acting wildly unpredictable, your child will be constantly stressed and unable to make productive advances in their character. As parents, we must deal with our own stuff so that we can create an environment for children to flourish.

We also need to communicate to our children that they are loved no matter what. Even during misbehavior, we can communicate love. This ofter changes the discipline from a confrontation of wills to a coach/player relationship where we are working together towards a solution. This is important for getting kids out of the fight/flight response.

The next step is to call kids to their potential. Children love to be challenged to be more than they are. Humans want to advance and become better. As parents, we get to speak this out and call out the positive qualities we see in them. “I see you are very persistent…”

The last step is to hold our kids accountable for their actions. Being loving and safe does not mean that they can do whatever they want. Jim and Lynne encourage you to provide discipline that coincides with the infraction. If they hit, they must use their hands to help. It is often helpful if the child can help come up with the solution.

The book offers a refreshing perspective on discipline that does not rely on punishment and rewards, but instead focuses on building a strong relationship between parent and child. The authors provide numerous examples and stories to illustrate their points, which makes the book engaging and relatable. I always love when books say “do this, not this” or give you the language to implement the ideas. The whole appendix is filled with practical applications.

One of the key strengths of the book is its emphasis on empathy and understanding. The authors stress the importance of listening to children and validating their feelings, even when their behavior is challenging. By doing so, parents can create a safe and supportive environment in which children feel valued and heard but can also be held accountable for their actions. This is not the soft form of gentle parenting but it is definitely not domineering either. It rides the balance between kindness and authority well. When kids are understood and loved, they can be taught to have strong character because they are in the ‘growth’ mindset not the ‘fight’ mindset.

Overall, “Discipline That Connects with Your Child’s Heart” is an excellent resource for parents who want to discipline their children in a way that promotes emotional connection and mutual respect. The book is well-written, informative, and easy to read, making it a valuable addition to any parent’s bookshelf. I highly recommend this book to all parents who want to build strong and loving relationships with their children while also setting appropriate boundaries and expectations.

This is currently my favorite parenting book out there.