Be A Place of Joy

I recently read a book about the neuroscience of relationships, theology and connection. One of the points that the author made was that people and children in particular make meaningful soul connections with people that bring joy to their life. The author was applying this to our relationships with in church and with God but I think it is a beautiful picture of fatherhood. The author goes on to say that people want to become like those that they have ‘meaningful soul ‘attachment love’ connections with.

Neuroscience research has shown that joy plays a crucial role in creating and strengthening these love connections. When we experience joy, our brains release chemicals such as dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins, which promote bonding and feelings of closeness.

If we want to influence our children towards good lives, they need to have an attachment to us.

How do we make those attachments?

Create and participate in joy-filled experiences together.

That brought a sign of relief to my soul. There is so much that seems to be expected as fathers but one thing that comes naturally to a lot of us is creating joy. This is good news. You don’t have to live under the pressure of performance. You don’t have to be the perfect dad. You just have to be present and bring joy to your kids.

That means not just vegging out on days off but rather creating adventures for our children. It means coming home and having a good wrestle with the kids. It means teaching them new cards games. It means being filled with terrible dad jokes that can lighten the mood in a moments notice. It means releasing the inner dad that just wants to play and engage with our kids.

So consider this permission to create a light-hearted atmosphere of joy in your house today. If you think every day “how can I bring joy to ______ (fill in name) today?” I think you will have a very different home environment.

If you have a desire to influence your children, then strive to create joyful experiences. Try to avoid shaming and snapping at your kids. There are of course going to be times for firmness and discipline but may the primary tone be joy, pleasure and enjoyment of your children.

Do you children know that you enjoy them? Let them know today.

The book I referenced is called Renovated by Jim Wilder and it is one of the best books I’ve read this year.