5 Things I wish I knew before becoming a dad

We got married and had our first kid pretty young. I was 22 when we got married and 23 when we had our first son. We didn’t have very much time to get everything figured out before we started welcoming kids into this world. In many ways, my wife and I have grown up together and made each other who we are today. I didn’t get a lot of coaching going into marriage and fatherhood so in many ways, we had to build the plane as we flew it. Luckily, kids start out as babies and we don’t have to get into more complex issues until later. If you are a new dad and wondering if you should go for it, here are a few things to consider before you take the plunge.

How Hard It Would Be

Becoming a dad is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do in life. It starts out with taking care of a newborn and helping them survive the first few years of their life. Lack of sleep can have a huge affect on your daily rhythms, mood and overall health. The early years are just about survival and trying to figure out how to do this parenting thing. As the kids get older, we have to learn how to discipline and train them up. We have to teach them everything they need to know about life. We have to start navigating emotions and multiple schedules. Parenting is not for the faint of heart but it will bring out the best in you as a man. If you are not up for challenges, don’t become a father. If you don’t want to be a better man, don’t become a father.

How Fulfilling It Would Be

All of the difficulty is worth it. Kids are amazing. You could change all the previous statements from saying ‘have to’ to ‘get to.’ There is nothing better than being a dad. All the struggles and challenges pale in comparison to raising beautiful humans in your house. The joy the bring outweighs all the struggles. There is something deeply satisfying and fulfilling about being a father, protector and provider. It fills our lives with purpose and meaning and vision. It challenges us to be better and to build something beautiful and that may be the highest calling for men.

How it would change the relationship with my wife

Throwing a third and fourth and fifth human into the mix will have an impact on your relationship with your wife. In a lot of ways, you start to relate to each other through your child. You’ll have to fight to maintain your relationship apart from your children. You must make time for dates and one on one conversations. Your relationship with your wife is going to be the most important relationship you’ll have for your entire life so don’t let is slide while kids are in your house. You’ll both be tired but make a point to spend time in the evenings together to catch up and reconnect.

How it would change my perspective on everything

I think everyone should have kids. It changes everything about you and it fundamentally changes the way you think about the world. It will give you a grander vision for what life is for. Having children forces us to stop thinking about ourselves and start thinking about the next generation. The narcissism of world has a hard time flourishing in a family. Especially if you have a vision for your family and seek to build your family together as a team, not just separate individuals. You’ll start to think about long-term goals and how to make the most good with your life.

How much I needed to grow

I was shocked by how much I needed to grow. I thought I was pretty patient and kind before I had kids but in reality, I had just learned to cope really well. Eventually in life, we get into a rhythm and we can avoid stressful or troublesome people. Then we invite children into our home and our patience constantly gets tested. I have learned that I am not as patient and kind as I thought I was. I have had to do a lot of work to grow in this area, and I still slip up all the time. The good news is that you don’t have to be perfect, we just have to continually humble ourselves and ask our kids to forgive us when we mess up. Parenting is a humbling experience and it brings us to the end of ourselves. This can be the perfect place to be. As we stop relying on ourselves and learn to rely on others and seek help, we can grow into mature and healthy people.

Being a dad is a high calling and it takes skill and determination. It will challenge you to be a better man but you are up to the challenge. You can do it. Keep pressing in, keep learning, keep growing.